Carlosaurs

It was brought to my attention today that my beloved Angels were pursuing free agent (and frequent hot head) Carl Everett.

Now, if you don't know anything about Mr. Everett, let me give you a brief background. He's 36, been an All Star twice, has a wide batting stance, and he's pretty clutch when the game is on the line. Carl (or C-Rex as he's called, more on that later) also has garnered the reputation for being a walking temper tantrum- bumping heads into umpires, spitting- you know, the norm. Oh, and he has a son named Carl IV.

The more interesting Carl Everett lies in the religion that he so vocally believes in. As an Apostolic Christian, he takes the words and scripture from the Bible literal and infallible. When asked about dinosaurs, Carl says,

"God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve. The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus rex."

But Carl, what about the bones? Surely you've seen dinosaur bones. What do you make of those?

"Made by man." He goes on to say, “You can make bones in the lab nowadays. And every year they come out with a different dinosaur movie, so does that mean that that dinosaur existed? A lot of things are being made that you would never see walk on this Earth.”

I dug for some quotes online from his former teammates.

Bret Saberhagen, pitcher:

"I guess I'm the brave one, I sit next to him on the bus. Carl can talk to me and carry on a conversation on his cell phone at the same time. That's talent."

Nomar Garciaparra, infielder:

"My locker is next to his, so I try not to get into long conversations with him. I'll just say, 'Uh, gotta go, Carl.'"

Ryan Dempster, pitcher:

"Carl Everett is the best player in the major leagues. Just ask Carl Everett."

I'll leave your view of C-Rex completely up to you. However, in light of my findings, I urge my beloved to team to forego their pursuit of a man who doesn't believe in giant lizards. Not only would an Everett signing be detrimental to the team's chemistry, but it's also Anti-American. What would Professor Grant think?

Winner of the Most Ridiculous Looking Photoshop Job Ever Goes To

Jockey and their Sculptured Pouch line. Really though, a T-Rex's head would have been more proportional than the one they used for this guy.

It makes you wonder, what did the buff guy's face really look like? It couldn't have been that bad, could it?

Surely This Isn't Safe

Bonfires for dayyyyyyyyys.

Thanks Jen!

Best cookie ever, and I'm feeding it to Morrissey.

Este Hombre Encantador

I've always wondered why there were so many Latino Morrissey fans. A few years ago I was in Anaheim in the midst of a Morrissey concert at The Pond, and noticed that the majority of people around town that day were Mexican. The person I was with that day (who didn't know much about The Smiths, or The Moz for that matter) asked if Morrissey was a Spanish act, which honestly would have been a reasonable question given the circumstance.

I decided to dig a bit deeper, and found an article in the OC Weekly that explained my query so deep that I felt all of you should know.

Here's a quick excerpt from the article.

The crowd chants, "Me-xi-co! Me-xi-co!" in an attempt to get the singer to acknowledge that the majority of the audience is Latino. He does. "I’m going to sing a couple of more songs," he tells them, "then all of you can go back to Mexicali."

And the Yuma Convention Center explodes.

Only one white man in the world—and he’s not the pope—can tell a group of Mexicans in the United States to return to Mexico and not only avert death, but be loved for saying so.

His name: Steven Patrick Morrissey, former lead singer of the Smiths, current saint among countless young Latinos.

The same convention-center audience demographic greets him wherever he performs: Los Angeles, Colorado Springs or this desolate desert town. So he always makes sure to yell out "Mexico" or perform some grand ethnic genuflection to his adoring fans, letting them know that he knows. They always respond in ecstasy; grateful.

For those of you too lazy to click this awesome read (Colin Snowsell's theories are spot on), I'll leave with this.

What is it about Morrissey that attracts Latinos? It may be that it echoes the music of Mexico, the ranchera. His trembling falsetto brings to mind the rich, sad voice of Pedro Infante, while his effeminate stage presence makes him a U.K. version of Juan Gabriel. As in ranchera, Morrissey’s lyrics rely on ambiguity, powerful imagery and metaphors. Thematically, the idealization of a simpler life and a rejection of all things bourgeois come from a populist impulse common to ranchera.

If Guitar Hero On Expert Has You Down

Shred on this.

Midnight Oil

This is the area where our dreams clock in before entering our minds in a more lucid state. With talks of recession, an inside source tells me that they are laying off 20% of their workforce- so we can expect to wake up not having any dreams.

I hear the nightmare division (left door) is expected to get the first cut.

Hotel View 1

They play the most horrible music here at Downtown Disney- it's not very ideal to wake up to. Still debating whether or not I should go see Billy Corgan today, but this music makes me want to jump.

Warehouse Cameo 4

Kyle! Old skool right here folks.

Pervert Sighting

Contact Dwight IMMEDIATLEY.

1-800-984-3672

Kevin vs. Bill

Warehouse Cameo 3

Mary and Ace!!!

For Your Viewing Pleasure

Vintage J (look at those locks!)

I Really Love Your Eyes

A little while ago I bet Bryan that he couldn't stare at the model's face for more than ten minutes.

I was wrong.

Collabs

Velcro x Gay Rights

Another Reason

Why meat turns me off.

Be Green

Paul making sure our Xmas tree stays green.

Political Jargon

Vamos Flaco!

My Office

Come to my sale!

01.05.08

This date will forever live in infamy.

Guys win Cranium!

Year in Review

I know it's a few days late, but things get busy here in the Land of Smog. I thought it would be nice to go over my insane 2007.

-Traveled to several countries, ate lots of weird things, and suprisingly didn't get diarrhea.
-Traveled to half of the United States, ate lots of things I shouldn't have (the E-Town special, aka Slim Jim's in between a cheese swabbed Handi Snack), and surprisingly didn't get diarrhea.
-Met a lot of interesting people, met new friends, developed stonger friendships, and strangely got diarrhea.
-Continued to build a brand from the ground up, survived many of it's ups and downs, and grew a patience to realize that things take time to materialize.
-Saw a plethora of bands, but managed to be eluded by the slippery Morrissey.
-Fine-tuned my art of barbecue.
-Pulled out an old novel I was writing in college.
-Touched a Monster.
-Put out a car fire.
-Survived a severely blown tire on a freeway.
-Hugged BB
-Lost a Grandpa.
-Showcased in a few art shows.
-Went through my annual love/hate relationship with the Angels.
-Became a caveman for a day.
-Developed an affinity for Persian cuisine.

There are literally too many to list- it really was a great year. More ups than downs, and that is always a good thing. Some of you are probably waiting on Bryan's post.I think what he wrote is pretty fitting.

I told him to write about what he's looking forward to the most in 2008, and here is his reponse..

-Jason



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Bryan + Soulful + Road Trips + 2008 = MAYHEM

Let's take a look into 2008 for a sec.

-With New Years coming this week, I'll be starting the new year in Las Vegas for the third year in a row. For those of you who haven't been there at this time of year… well let me just say it's pretty crazy.

-Road trips. I plan on stepping up on my road trips. Hope to visit homies at Ohio State, Purdue, and Cal Poly. And maybe you too, Auggie…maybe.

-Jason and I will be planning a trip to Ireland for the end of next year- whos in?
And of course our World Famous SC Road Trip again. The dates are set. Contact Jason for more info.

-Work. Work will be crazy. I'll be attending a leadership program for the next six months. No clue what this means. But I had to write two essays to get into it… Wait-what? Bryan wrote two essays? By himself? Ya I know. Weird.

-Learn a new language? Some of you may or may not know but Jason thinks he can learn French, so that means I'm in also. I've got a few friends that can speak it and if J and I learn together maybe it can work. It will work. It has to work.

-As far as the rest of the year goes, who knows? But im thinking it will be full of amazing stories every week.

Cheers and Happy New Year.

Bryan.

Achoo!

Apparently my horse needs to sneeze.

Bar Musings

The Goat